Messed up already

Okay so I’ve just read my last post myself, I really sound like a little whinge bag. But really I used to be such a fun happy person, and everyone still expects me to be that girl and it’s hard to keep a huge smile on my face day in day out while deep down I just want to cry.

Hello world!

I don’t expect anybody to actually read this, so maybe ‘Hello world!’ is way too much but wow the whole world could see everything I write here if they wanted to. That is crazy!

So, I decided to set up a blog because I think everyday teenagers just like me go through so much but there’s never anybody you can really talk to, and even when there is, we’re too scared. I just thought maybe if I could make a start then so could everybody else. Our generation is seriously held back when it comes to emotions and feelings, we’re all too scared of judgement but at the end of the day we only get one shot at life, and if you can express your feelings and be who you really are then I think life could be great.

I don’t recall ever feeling as alone as I feel today. I feel like I’ve lost every friend I love and every hope of fun in life. Even though my friends still talk to me it’s just not the same. Being around people in school and talking over the internet is not the same as going out with them and having fun,and right now there’s not much fun in my life. There is a reason this all happened but it’s not my reason and however selfish this may sound I blame my best friend.

She had a reason to fall out with one of the boys and ever since things just haven’t been the same. Of course I will support her and be there for her no matter what because I love her and she is my best friend. But at times I just feel so much anger towards her and feel like she’s so selfish. Right now she’s in Paris probably having so much fun, while I’m stuck in Dublin trying to patch things up with everyone so as my life wont be hard as hell forever.

I’m lying in my bed thinking will it be like this forever? Sometimes I really don’t think there is a place for me in this big bad world.